Nine Years Ago, I Wrote a Card…
July 5, 2024
Charles and I have been going through some things to clear out this morning and we came across a card I had written to him before we came back to the states in early 2016. I said:
“I literally can’t imagine our life over there - and luckily I don’t need to. It will all unfold beautifully all at the right time - As it has been doing for some time now.”
It feels so crazy to me, imagining writing that 9 years ago with no clue how the next 9 years would unfold. No idea I’d create an organization and have gone through even a fraction of the things I’ve experienced. No clue of all the amazing people I’d meet here, not to mention the incredible people I’d meet in prison, and then be working with some of you in the community with the common cause of finding freedom of mind and finding freedom from the Carceral system.
There have been beautiful places we’ve visited as well as the nightmares and god awful situations I’ve gone through since writing that card. And so much personal growth. I feel like a different human writing this now. There feels like an innocent quality when I wrote that card; excited to be back here and on another adventure. How can we really know where we’ll be, what we’ll be doing and the experiences we’ll have ahead of time?
I know many of you will be reading this in prison and might be thinking - “Speak for yourself! I know exactly where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing years from now.” But I’d challenge you on that and say, “do you though?” I have met many folks who unexpectedly got released early, or created something magical inside or joined a group or program that’s been life changing. The people that will cross your path and have an impact, the love, the loss, what you can learn about yourself is so rich, wherever you are.
I just got back from England for my mum’s 80th birthday. I was originally meant to be in the UK for about a month - presenting at a conference in London and also presenting at the Criminology conference in Glasgow. But as I’m needed here, I had to let those go. The priority was celebrating my mum. Anyway, Beto is over there and he did an amazing job presenting at the One Thought conference and he’s on his way to Glasgow as we speak. And I know he’ll do a beautiful job there too. I could never have foreseen the challenges that would emerge that had me cutting my trip short, but it’s all part of adapting as we go.
And then there’s my mum’s health. Less than two years ago, she was undergoing immunotherapy for cancer that had jumped from a skin cancer and metastasized to her lung. When I was over there helping out, she got covid in the middle of her treatment. Not the best combination and there were moments when she was in hospital. I was doubtful she’d pull through. The intensity of both at once was hideous. She then got long covid and still gets really tired sometimes. It’s amazing though how well she is now.
I find it astounding how the body bounces back. When you think it can’t go another round, it does everything it can to heal and keep pushing. Here we are less than two years later, celebrating her 80th birthday. It was amazing seeing so many family members I hadn’t seen in years and meeting new ones. The weather was delightful and it couldn’t have gone better. Two years ago, sitting by my mum’s hospital bed and seeing her frailty, I could not have imagined in a million years our whole family would be together and celebrating her 80th birthday. She was convinced she wasn’t going to make it!
We just can’t know what’s ahead of us, and how things work out. Even when we think we have it buttoned up. When I think about that card, I imagine the next 9 years and feel extra excited about what all will unfold. Knowing there will be some magic and probably some tragedy too. But isn’t that part of the rich tapestry of life?