Insights from Prison: NM
Posted by Anna Debenham, August 28, 2018
There are a couple programs in prison that if you successfully complete reduces your sentence and you can release 3 months early. One big part of one particular program is accountability. Not only do you hold yourself accountable, but everyone is responsible for holding everyone else accountable to each other. In itself there is nothing wrong with this, but it can get tricky because as we know, experience in life can look different to each person. And we can interpret life as we see it and are only ever experiencing life through thought, through our own lens…
So NM, one of my students, is in one of these programs and he came to class with a great story.
There is a special unit for this other program and this unit has no air conditioning, only huge noisy fans which are on constantly as it’s been so hot here recently. NM was lying on his bunk in between program sessions when count was called, but he didn’t hear it due to the fans. So he remained lying on his bed. Someone happened to walk past his cell and assumed he’d ignored count. To the person walking passed, NM was disobeying the rules and so needed to be held accountable. We all know what happens when we make assumptions, right. But in group that afternoon NM had to sit in the middle of the room, surrounded by men from the group ‘holding him accountable’. Basically accusing him of ignoring count and how that was bad behaviour and how he should do better and on and on..
What NM noticed was, the more the guy who first noticed him on his bunk relayed his story, the more it became truth with a capital T and everyone else believed him. Of course NM knew none of that was true, but trying to defend himself wouldn’t help. So he just kept quiet and listened. He saw that he was sitting in the middle of someone else’s movie and it had nothing to do with him. As it in no way resembled what actually happened. So rather than getting angry and frustrated by this, he felt amused and didn’t take any of it personally. He actually surprised himself that he didn’t care what the others were saying. He stayed neutral. After the ordeal some other guys came up to him and asked him how on earth he could stay balanced and non-combative when he was getting so criticised. He said it was easy. He just had nothing on it. He knew he was ok no matter what people said.
As he was relaying his story in class, he said to me, you’re right, understanding how the mind works really is like a super power. He said that he was totally peaceful knowing that no-one has the power to dictate how he feels – ever.