Off-Ramps and Other Escape Routes
April 14, 2025
A few weeks ago, I had a challenging conversation with a coworker that really got me reflecting. I noticed my immediate response was to jump into “fix it” mode—or ask, “Well, what do you want me to do about it?” It’s a go-to reaction that doesn’t leave much space for actually listening… or for saying nothing at all. Over the years, I’ve gotten better at being less reactive, more present, and less swept up in unhelpful thinking—but then, out of nowhere, it jumps in and bites me in the ass. Suddenly, I’m totally unaware of how I’m showing up or what’s really needed from me in the moment.
I’m starting to see that urge to fix as my “off-ramp” from discomfort. Doing something—anything—just to avoid staying with the feeling. And it’s got me wondering: how often do we go through something hard, and instead of sitting with the actual experience, we immediately make up a story about it? We justify, blame, try to fix, or overthink. But then, we’re not feeling the experience anymore—we’re feeling the narrative we created around it. It’s one step removed, and often a step away from growth. What if, instead, we could just stay with the uncomfortability a little longer?
I don’t always catch it in the moment—this habit of off-ramping into action or story—but I’m noticing it more when it does happen. And sometimes, just noticing is enough. Not to fix it, but to pause. To stay. To feel what’s actually there before I try to name it, solve it, or explain it away. I think there’s something important in that space—not polished or profound, just honest. I’m strangely enjoying learning to stay with what’s hard without needing to escape it.
That’s also the heart of our work at The Insight Alliance. Learning to understand our inner climate—our feelings, our triggers, our state of mind - can change everything. It’s helped me realize that just because I feel something intensely doesn’t mean it’s true or permanent. It’s just weather passing through. And that awareness alone? It’s been a game-changer. It’s what keeps me from spiraling, from taking myself so seriously, from reacting when what’s actually needed is stillness.
Dr. Resmaa Menakem says, “Your body is an ongoing source of great resilience, resource, and wisdom, even during the worst of times or your darkest of moods.” That wisdom lives in all of us. And the more we understand it—not just in our heads, but in our bodies—the more we access a steadiness that can carry us through.
This understanding has made me more grounded, more curious, and a whole lot more unshakable in the face of life’s inevitable chaos. Don’t get me wrong—life still throws shitstorms. But I don’t have to get blown around by every gust. I can notice what’s happening inside and feel it fully. And even when I ‘off ramp’ I can come back to balance more easily. That’s the freedom we’re pointing to in our work. Not a perfect life, but a steadier experience of being human—even when it’s messy, uncomfortable, or downright hard.