Insights from Outside Prison: M.C. & J.R-H.

Posted by Anna Debenham, December 1, 2020

In our very first group at CCCF, one of our women (M.C.) knew she was leaving CCCF to finish up federal time somewhere in the US. She had no idea where she was being sent and she was sad, scared and I thought distracted during our group. On about week 8 of our program, she left, and we didn’t see her again. We didn’t know where she’d gone. I asked my supervisor where she was so I could send our newsletters, but they all came back.

A couple weeks ago I got an email from the NW Regional Re-entry Center. They had heard about our program and wanted to talk to us about the possibility of starting our group there. Of course, we were totally up for it and set up a time for a presentation. I got an email back confirming and saying, “We have someone here who has been through your program and she loved it and is really excited about taking it again.” I asked the staff person there who it was! Totally curious. It was this same woman - M.C., from CCCF. I was so excited to know: A) she was ok; B) she was raving about our program and was wanting to take it again; and C) I was going to get to finally catch up with her, even if it was through a computer screen.

So, I told one of our mentors who’d been in CCCF about M.C. as she knew her in prison. J R-H was excited to reconnect with her. She drove up to Portland to bring her clothes, shoes, make-up, and all sorts of other things. It was a whole car full! I drove over to meet with both of them and took books and newsletters.

The three of us sat in a visiting room and reconnected. M.C. was saying how if she hadn’t been in our program she wouldn’t be sitting with us right now. She said she would have lost herself in her anger and depression and done something stupid that would have caught her another charge. But now she knew, no matter what, she was OK. That she could ignore her thoughts and her uncomfortable feelings and be present to what is, KNOWING she would get through anything that they threw at her.

She was in a federal prison in West Virginia for 3 1/2 years, which didn’t sound like much fun. She was diagnosed with blood cancer. The reason she was now back in a transition center in Oregon was because she was released on compassionate leave 3 years early. Her cancer is terminal and they are giving her 36 months to live. And STILL, she is OK. STILL she knows she’s OK no matter what. No matter the cancer, no matter that she’s in a transition center and not able to see her kids, with an ankle bracelet, trying to navigate the ridiculously convoluted health care system - still she’s OK.

J R-H was such a great mentor. She told her she was there to support her and tell her she’d help her get a doctor’s appointment she needed and would drive her to it. She was there for her no matter what. I was just sitting back and watching these two women. So full of love. When I met them, they were off the wall, a bit crazy, and all over the place. Now they are solid. They are grounded and so content in their own skin. They know themselves and they feel comfortable with all of it. All the craziness, the illness. Life as it is. They are there for each other and I just loved seeing them together and felt so proud of them. I’m shaking my head at the serendipity of life. That we were all sitting there three years later after first meeting each other in prison, and life is good. Not always easy, but good.