Insights from Prison: CK
Posted by Anna Debenham, March 14, 2018
“I was pacing outside a McDonalds convinced that people who just walked inside were going to kill me. In the midst of my delusions I was paranoid that everyone was watching me and judging me and I needed to kill those people. I was talking to myself and becoming crazy. The police were called and I was taken away”.
This was an ongoing occurrence for CK. He had diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia and has been on lithium for 12 years. For all these years he saw lights that he thought were guns trying to shoot him; people minding there own business he thought were out to get him; monsters in the bushes he needed to slay. His world revolved around his own thoughts and the attention he put on them. he was the centre of very scary horror movie that he created in his head. His acute loneliness on the streets was his reality as he couldn’t hold down an apartment due to his delusions.
Fast forward to now; he’s been off his lithium for 6 weeks. About 3 weeks into our 10 week program he had a profound insight; he realised he didn’t need to react to every thought that came into his head. His mind got quieter. He saw that if he does nothing to feed them, those paranoid thoughts pass through on their own. Taking medication didn’t make sense anymore.
I don’t particularly advocate coming off medication, I’m not a doctor and its not my decision to make. It was his own decision which he talked through with his doctor. But not having had an episode in a few weeks after starting the program and having this deep insight into his own mental health he felt ready to be medication free from the first time in over a decade.
I know it seems to simple to be true but I’ve seen it time and again – when people see that they are not their thoughts and the don’t have to react to them – something changes. They find more peace of mind, connect more with their innate wisdom and realise there is a life waiting for them that they never thought possible. He found his freedom in prison.